The best laid plans

40 B4 40
37 days to go.

Planning.  Making plans.  Planning ahead.  Plan B (and C, and sometimes, albeit rarely, D).

These are things I do, and do well, and do again, and do once more just to be sure.  And wedding planning - oooooohhhhhh wheeeeeeeee - ain't that the mac-daddy of all the planning fun to be had?   Perhaps Libby put it best when, upon being asked to be a bridesmaid, responded immediately with "What will my job be and is it already on the spreadsheet?".   Only a hint of sarcasm.  You see, I'm trained to detect it.

The spreadsheet, my darlings, is the only way to go.  
The spreadsheet, my dears, has saved any good planner's ass more than once.
The spreadsheet, in a word, Rules.

And so I've been planning.  It's more accurate to say that we've been planning - as it seems that the BF is far more interested in colors and candles and who says what when than one would have guessed.  And I love it, I love him, and I love that he gives a hoot.  But he's slowing down my planning, he's gumming up my spreadsheets, and he's teaching me to compromise...  I'm learning to not care as much if he cares more and to stand my ground if and when it matters.

And here's what I've learned most of all, thus far, there is still time...

What I've learned most of all is that when I do stand my ground, on the things that do matter, they are not the types of things that are on the spreadsheets.  There is no (expected) line in the sand over the color of dresses or shoes or nails.  I'm not, so to speak, married to a towering cake or teetering heels.  We mostly agree and we mostly came to the table with the exact same picture in our heads of what this day would look like and so there are very few compromises to be made. 

The place where I will dig my (non-existent) heels into the ground (if need be) will not make the spreadsheet.  It will not show up in photos.  It may not even be noticed or remembered by anyone but me.  But it's important.  It's central.  And it's more specifically about love than just about anything else that will happen that day.  It's a few, powerful, words that matter because they're true and that matter because many of our most loved guests can not stand in front of the people they love most and get married the way we will this summer.  The least I can do is speak that truth and make it a part of our collective day together. 

     "Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations....Without question, civil marriage enhances the "welfare of the community." It is a "social institution of the highest importance.  Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family.

Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.”

~ from Goodridge v. MA Department of Public Health