Just Breathe

I've spent most of the morning memorizing the following... am going to have to say it all on out loud here in a few hours and, yes, I'm nervous. So far I can't tell which nerves are firing though. The ones that are about to talk about my parents' death in front of strangers and on camera, or the ones that worry that I'll just end up looking silly and fat.

Selfish much? Indulge me.

So - here's what I've memorized as an opening introduction - picture it with these photos showing in the background - oy.

My name is Cari Wheat and I lost both of my parents - Curt, a geologist and Marie an elementary school librarian and teacher. My dad made that decision for the both of them on his birthday nearly 7 years ago when he shot my mom in her sleep and then took his own life. I was 29 years old at the time; my brother was 24 and living at home. None of us, including our mom, saw it coming. I'm terribly grateful for this opportunity to share my story with, and to provide a voice for, others who are facing similar experiences in their own families.

That's just the beginning. I will, along with 4 other survivors, answer questions for about an hour about what happened, how we've dealt with it (or not), what the holidays look like, etc. As usual, I can't quite put into eloquent words what I'm feeling in the moment. Mostly I just hope that I do them justice, that I don't make an ass of myself, and that I manage to remind people that 1) My parents were lovely, wonderful people and 2) that, for those facing suicide at their house today... that it's OK for this to suck, that they *will* live to tell, and that they will also survive.

Breathe...
.