Big thanks and credit go to Joe who asked me to submit something for the Out of the Darkness Crew Connection newsletter - it was just the push I needed.
It wasn't until my 3rd Out of the Darkness Overnight event that it finally struck me what we were all doing, what we were all saying, WHO we all were. I'd worked on similar types of events for years and the good people who plan and produce The Overnight were just friends I was helping out, just another walk-a-thon, just another night in another park with another group of folks supporting another honorable cause. I'd come to help organize volunteers and to jump in wherever the staff might need me to, an bonus pair of hands who knew her way around a walkie-talkie and a site plan.
Except it wasn't just another walk-a-thon and this wasn't just another honorable cause - it was MY cause and I would soon discover that I was very much not alone, and that I never had been if only I'd paid an ounce of attention.
My father, Curt, shot and killed my mother, Marie, and then took his own life on January 16, 2003. How could I not realize how powerful an entire event focused on suicide would be for me? Even still I'm stunned at how detached I really was from my own story.
So for two years I helped out, loaded and unloaded trucks, herded volunteers, ran errands and generally did whatever was needed. Surrounded by people who'd lost loved ones to suicide, it never even scratched the surface of my own experiences. Until Seattle...
At the 2008 Seattle event, I found myself with a moment of downtime during opening ceremonies and I stood off to one side of the area where all the walkers set out on their long journey, and I watched. And watched. And watched. At some point I realized that there were hundreds, maybe thousands of people headed out on the walk. And hundreds more Crew & Volunteers supporting them. Wait - did all of these people lose a loved one to suicide? Did all of them have a story like mine to tell?
As I realized that I was very much not alone in this mixed up sea of mourning and celebration I caught myself sobbing on the sidelines, and so did a Moto Crew member across the "chute" where walkers were crossing the start line. She wove her way through the crowd and stood next to me, without a word, and held my hand 'til the last walker left. Then off she went to keep the walkers safe throughout the night. Not one word.
Turns out, we are all part of a larger, and unfortunately growing, commuity of people affected by suicide. I was amazed at how many of us there were that night in Seattle. I knew the numbers but I hadn't considered the faces. These were regular people, not scary or sad freaks. These were mothers and sisters and sons and friends. They had families and jobs and lives they were living. They also had the strength and the grace to stand together and talk about their loss, in public, where other people could hear them. No one was hiding their stories, they had them plastered all over t-shirts and signs. They had raised money & awareness by talking to friends and family and coworkers about their incredible losses - can you imagine the bravery? I was beginning to.
That was 4 years ago. I've been telling my story to anyone who'll listen ever since. You can read some of it here: http://butweremakinggoodtime.blogspot.com/2009/06/not-sure-how-to-intro-this-one-so-well.html This will be my 7th Overnight event and I can't wait to see old friends, to Crew alongside my baby brother Josh, to support my dear friend Jen and her family who will participate for the first time since losing their sweet Brian, and to bring some more light to the topic of suicide and to those who are either struggling with their own thoughts or who have been left behind by someone who finally lost that struggle.
What you'll do as an Overnight Crew Member will change your life. I promise. You will not be alone and you will be uniquely suited to help create an evening where some lucky folks will finally realize, just like I did, that none of us are alone, ever. Your time and talent and dedication truly matters - this event would not happen without you.
Think of all those folks that haven't found us yet... let's work together to bring them Out of the Darkness. See you in San Francisco
